And for that, I say… thank u, next
Written by Calvin Agustin • Board by Kiefer Angeles | 14 February 25
“Thought I’d end up with Sean but he wasn’t a match; wrote some songs about Ricky, now I listen and laugh; even almost got married and for Pete, I’m so thankful; wish I could say thank you to Malcolm, ‘cause he was an angel…”
Ariana Grande’s hit song “thank u, next” is often seen as an anthem of self-growth and moving forward. But with all the names she mentioned in the song, one might wonder if she’s gone through what many call– a “hoe phase.”
Recently, a TikTok video went viral stating, “my biggest flex is [that] i never had to go through a hoe phase no matter how lonely, how long, or even how boring my single life had been.” This started debates as it implied judgement towards people who went through it.
Now, before you continue to read, an open mind is essential as this conversation might be controversial for many but often left under the radar.
The phrase “hoe phase” is broad and subjective. While it might sound derogatory for some because of the word “hoe”, it could be interpreted differently. Most people define it as a time of exploration where people challenge traditional dating norms and social standards to discover themselves, their boundaries, and their personal desires. This is often associated with people in the dating scene, specifically in online dating applications.
People who use dating applications gain more access to potential partners wherein they might meet people who are open for casual and explorative set-ups. These applications also make it easier for people to engage in encounters that might not be widely accepted in the dating landscape.
The experience of a “hoe phase” comes with lots of stereotypes which might or might not be the case for people living the experience. People in their “hoe phases” are often judged as hypersexual given that it is a time of self-exploration, however, this exploration does not directly suggest engaging in sexual activities or physical intimacy, it could also be an exploration of preferences for potential partners– physical, personality, and character-wise.
These people are often labeled as immature and petty, prioritizing casual and fast-paced connections instead of deep ones. This merely ignores the fact that self-exploration is still pivotal in one’s personal development. Moreover, the idea of “hoe phase” reinforces gender roles, specially for women– they are expected to prioritize romance and not self-exploration. However, these stereotypes are deeply rooted from society being traditionally conservative and stagnant to the ever-changing dating scene.
But what makes people step into this kind of experience? “Hoe phase” is often linked to those who had a major heartbreak, using this as a chance to heal and eventually move on from that pain. People from break-ups that may have lower self-esteem and self-worth can somehow help them gain their confidence and a better sense of self back.
On top of that, “hoe phase” is like a wonderland for people with commitment issues– whether it is because of a relationship trauma, a personal circumstance, or just because they don’t see themselves yet being in a serious relationship. This is because of the unique set-ups that can be created between partners when they want and when they can. People sometimes do “collect-and-select” wherein they entertain more than one person at the same time and assess who they think is the best fit to what they are looking for.
As the song continues,“I aint worried ‘bout nothing, plus I met someone else, we having better discussions.”
Other motivations could be to improve social skills, explore new interests, potential partners, and relationship dynamics. This experience makes people feel liberated and free with their choices. However, note that these might be some of the reasons why but actual experiences may still vary in different aspects.
A gentle reminder that the “hoe phase” is not for everyone, specially for those unsure. You need to have a strong sense of self as this experience will put you in thrilling yet uncomfortable situations, it could also give you “pretty privileges” or “sad boi/sad gurl struggles.”
The idea of “hoe phase” should not be normalized nor undignified because people are entitled to their own choices. It might feel slightly shameful but surely, there are no regrets. The young ones are free to make mistakes and learn their lessons from it.
Like what Ariana sang, “One taught me love, one taught me patience, and one taught me pain, now I’m so amazing.”
Now, if someone’s biggest flex is not having gone through their “hoe phase”, good for them! But it does not make them superior to those who did and it definitely does not make someone lesser of a person. Nonetheless, people in the dating scene have their own preferences and they are free to choose for themselves– they just have to choose wisely and date responsibly.